First the bad news: My application for the job I recently applied to was rejected. Honestly I am crushed. I REALLY wanted that job. That is the 3rd rejection in a row. Probably doesn’t help that I keep applying to the same hospital over and over again to different positions, but I don’t have much of a choice because I don’t have a car so I’m screwed! They did call me for an interview on one of the applications, but called me back later that same day to tell me they had already hired someone from within and that she didn’t know that when she initially called me. Whatever stupid hospital! They’re dumb! I just don’t understand it! WHY!!! I would be PERFECT for that job!

So I guess I’ll just have to apply to the crummy hospitals in St. Paul and ride the bus for 2 hours or more everyday like I did before I moved here to be closer to work. I don’t want to move back to St. Paul! I like living close to downtown Minneapolis. Ain’t shit to do in St. Paul! Plus the college I want to go to is here and I want to move to the Uptown area. Moving back to St. Paul would be like taking a step backward! I guess it wouldn’t be so bad because the school I want to go to eventually is there but I’m so sick of moving every year. WAAA!

The good news is that I got my tax rebate money this week! SWEET! I’m gonna get a tattoo-oo! Well actually I’m just gonna get work done on my current tattoo as it is not finished thanks to lame ass Shawn. Forget him I’m going to this place in my hometown called Tiger Lily Tattoo. Joyce is THE BOMB! It’s gonna be super expensive but definately worth it cuz I’m not waiting around on Shawn anymore. Yeah it would be free but honestly I don’t trust him to color in my tat, he’s just not that experienced. I’ve been walking around with this outline for a year and half now! I am not walking around half naked again this summer!

So here’s the breakdown:

A.    B.    C.

Exhibit A. shows you how my tattoo is now…B shows you the slight additions I need to make to bring it back into balance because Shawn put the damn thing on CROOKED!! And C. shows you the new work I want to add! I love it! It’s gonna be so beautiful! The picture below is my actual drawing of the tat, my masterpiece! My baby! If you compare it with picture A. you can see how it is crooked. Oh well it’s my fault too because I didn’t catch it either before he started inking it. Anyway I am so STOKED to finally get it done!

Tattoos are not just to look cool and badass or rebellious or whatever. Tattooing is an artform and the ultimate self-expression. To me there are two kinds of people who get tattoos; people who do it cuz it’s cool and want to decorate themselves which is fine cuz it IS cool! But then there are the people who are truly passionate about life and love and art. Most people who choose to tattoo put a lot of thought and meaning into their artwork. Its gonna be on ya for the rest of your life so ya better think about what you’re doing! For me, I could never live with myself if I simply saw a design at the studio that I liked and got it inked. I did that with my first tattoo of a tree frog on my hip and I absolutely hate it and wish I had never done that, but at the same time it marks a very important time in my life when I was at basic training and symbolizes my transformation from a girl into a woman.

My baby pictured above is my masterpiece. I drew it a few years ago and got the outline of it inked right before Christmas of last year. It is completely original, you will never see anything exactly like it. Except the points of the star which I totally copied from something I saw in a calendar, but such is the process of art. This tattoo symbolizes my belief in the Goddess and my place in the cosmos and chaos of life. She is clearly represented here in the image of the moon and also in the image of the moon in the womb of the sun. The moon represents me as being in the womb of the Goddess. Here I am on earth admist all the glory and rapture of her Being, my Being, our Being, human Being and at the same time She lives inside me and you and us and everything.

The little squirlies inside the points of the sun aren’t just for decoration either, they symbolize water and movement. Everything to do with water inspires me and aspires me. It is the water of the ocean which is ruled by the moon and the movement and flow of time and our powerful emotions. The points of the sun represent how everything is connected and what means when you reach out to someone else you first have to reach within yourself. The little star by the moon also represents me in the bigger picture of life. My most difficult complex in life is that I have always had this feeling of not belonging. The little star reminds me that I do belong and even the smallest voice matters and can be a beacon of light to others.

Omg I am crying now as I type this because I have been going through so much lately and I am just so grateful that I am so blessed to be able to look upon this drawing and remember the dark time that I went through and the creation of something so beautiful and so full of life that came out of it and know that I have so much too look forward to in life.